What if you're on the toilet when Jesus comes?

Dave and I were talking the other night about the crazy people who think that Obama is the anti-Christ. If you missed that one, thank your lucky stars because that means you have no connections to the crazy underworld of conservative Christians. That conversation started me reminiscing with some fondness about being in middle school and hearing people talk about how if you did some sort of crazy calculus with Bill Clinton's name it would equal 666 and how Hilary's healthcare was the sign of socialism and the END TIMES. Oh memories of a conservative, home schooled childhood. I miss being constantly afraid that Jesus would come back RIGHT.THIS.SECOND.

And then I said to Dave, "Do you think most kids were afraid Jesus would come back while they were on the toilet?"
To which he responded, "WHAT THE...?"
"Yeah," I insisted. "Didn't you think about that while you were on the toilet if you got raptured then, would the people left behind see your behind as you were raised up to heaven? Or what if you were doing a number two and Jesus wouldn't take you?"
"Um, no."

And I that fear was such a part of my life that I had a hard time believing that I was the only kid who worried about it. So I started asking my friends. And I am pretty sure they all backed away from me, like my head was going to spin and vomit would spew and they would need a young priest and an old priest.

Blog readers? Was I really the only one? In the meantime, that picture above? Study it and understand my childhood better. The pic comes from this fab site .